european techno band au cracky chatfic

So some time ago, ailleann23 and I were entertaining ourselves by not doing work, and we started talking. As you do. Predictably the topic was Spencer Smith.

flyingtapes: spencer has worn three pairs of shoes in pretty much every photo he’s been in since late 2005
flyingtapes: so he may love shoes
flyingtapes: but he doesn’t ever fucking wear them
ailleann23: maybe he loves shoes like he loves clothes
ailleann23: loves them so much they have to stay at home where it’s safe
ailleann23: and he wears the same black button down for six months
ailleann23: which, you know, not that it’s not hot
flyingtapes: haaaaaaaaa.
flyingtapes: it seems likely.
flyingtapes: not just the same jeans and black button down
flyingtapes: but the same ugly enormous white shoes
flyingtapes: that looks like he lifted them from 1975
flyingtapes: off a country-western performer in southern texas
ailleann23: seriously, i think he lost everything in a tragic straightening iron fire
ailleann23: maybe he bought an extra vintage pair off eBay accidentally
ailleann23: and figured since he had a pair for the collection, he could wear them
flyingtapes: god
flyingtapes: of course he would buy used shoes off ebay
flyingtapes: and then actually wear them
flyingtapes: and ryan makes fun of him
flyingtapes: but really has no room to talk
flyingtapes: what with the scarves
ailleann23: (they actually bought from the same seller, but Brendon doesn’t have the heart to tell them)
flyingtapes: ::dies::
ailleann23: Brendon bought some rare Toy Story action figures from the same guy, so he doesn’t have room to talk either
flyingtapes: sometimes he and jon play with them
flyingtapes: on the floor of the bus
flyingtapes: when spencer and ryan are off getting smoothies
ailleann23: jon’s really good at the pig voice
ailleann23: they trade off being Bo Peep
flyingtapes: he can make the most amazing animal noises, brendon is seriously impressed
ailleann23: hahaha
ailleann23: one time, Jon got a ton of plastic soldiers
ailleann23: it was EPIC
flyingtapes: they sang the “hi-ho” song from snow white while they marched them all around
flyingtapes: and gave them all names
flyingtapes: even though they kept confusing which one was which
ailleann23: Spencer was digging them out of his bunk for WEEKS
flyingtapes: he’d be mad but he totally played tabletop gaming in junior high school, so he couldn’t really harm them or anything. it would be like harming one of his own!
ailleann23: ::dies::
ailleann23: he parks one on top of the light in his bunk
ailleann23: Brendon and Jon have a ton, they’ll never miss one
ailleann23: Ryan wrote a really sad little song about a broken one he found, about how he would never go home
flyingtapes: he played it on the ukelele because he was “trying to get a feel for the instrument”
ailleann23: Brendon heard it and immediately drug him out and bought him a purple popsicle
flyingtapes: because purple is ryan’s faaaaaaaaaaaaaavorite
ailleann23: because “purple popsicles make everything better, Ryan Ross”
ailleann23: the song was really good though
flyingtapes: jon suggested making it a b-side
flyingtapes: but then ryan was worried it was too political for today’s market
ailleann23: in about a month, spencer will suggest they include it as a previously unreleased track on their live album from the Civic tour
ailleann23: but it’s brendon who refuses to sing it, because it’s “so much better when ryan does it, seriously”
flyingtapes: he totally plays the ukelele, though
ailleann23: oh yeah
flyingtapes: mostly because he likes to introduce the song as, “and this is the one where I play the ukelele!”
ailleann23: afterwards, he moves the mood from blue back to happy by doing his Tiny Tim impression
ailleann23: which is abysmal, but the ukelele part is good
flyingtapes: the ukelele part is always good
ailleann23: Brendon’s kind of a bitchin’ ukelele player
flyingtapes: brendon thinks he might try it one time to do camisado acousticlaly
ailleann23: !!
flyingtapes: but even jon’s like, um, I don’t think so, brendon
ailleann23: he doesn’t stop practicing it, though
ailleann23: But It’s Better If You Do sounds surprisingly good, though
flyingtapes: brendon calls it the perry como interpretation
flyingtapes: he even wears a hawaiian shirt one time
flyingtapes: the fangirls go crazy
ailleann23: ::snorts uncontrollably::
ailleann23: and talking about Perry Como means just one thing
flyingtapes: so brendon wanders around singing “winter wonderland” over and over
flyingtapes: even though it’s fucking april
flyingtapes: until spencer is seriously considering throwing a shoe at him
ailleann23: but, you know, shoe
flyingtapes: exactly
ailleann23: Jon, being fucking Jon, sings along
flyingtapes: in harmony
ailleann23: oh well, Ryan thinks dejectedly

And, okay, that was pretty amusing. Seriously. But then we started, um, going in a different direction.

flyingtapes: okay, but, isn’t Balloons for Elephants an awesome indie band name?
ailleann23: YES
flyingtapes: because I kind of want to start a lo-fi band just to use that name
ailleann23: it’s AU Frank’s side project
ailleann23: in the world where, i dunno, My Chem’s a European techno supergroup or something
flyingtapes: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
flyingtapes: I can just see gerard flailing behing a laptop
ailleann23: FROM ITALY
flyingtapes: doing interpretative dance while laying down beats
ailleann23: EPIC
ailleann23: BIBLICAL
flyingtapes: LEGENDARY
flyingtapes: they are very famous in europe
ailleann23: Toro’s from France, though, and Bryar’s from Finland
ailleann23: shit, I mean Spain
ailleann23: Toro’s from Spain, fuck
flyingtapes: frankie and the ways grew up in a small village in sicily
flyingtapes: where their only dream was to someday go to techno clubs
ailleann23: (ooohhh I can smell the wolfshirts)
ailleann23: One summer, they went to visit their cousin’s wife’s brother’s buddy Ray in Spain
ailleann23: who is, like, a Spanish techno scene kid
ailleann23: he’s the mikeyway of Spanish techno
ailleann23: and it’s LOVE
ailleann23: they write their first three songs in, like, a week and a half
ailleann23: Yeah, so they suddenly have all these songs.
ailleann23: And because Ray knows everyone, they end up playing them at this pretty major club
ailleann23: and the place goes NUTS
flyingtapes: and like gee is hiding behind a hoodie and enormous sunglasses
flyingtapes: even though the club is super-dark
flyingtapes: and mikey has glasses so pointy they’ve actually cut people and a high-collared shirt
ailleann23: Mikey’s over talking to some guy, seemingly oblivious
flyingtapes: so ray has to be like, “this is the way brothers.”
flyingtapes: and like THAT they suddenly rule the scene
flyingtapes: without saying a fucking word
ailleann23: yeeees
ailleann23: they go do a couple more shows, and they don’t believe Ray when he says people are going crazy
ailleann23: until these girls have these homemade “Way Bros.” shirts
ailleann23: and then everybody kinda freaks out
flyingtapes: and mikey’s like, hey, show me how to make those
ailleann23: but Gerard hates the name Way Brothers
flyingtapes: and gee is like, oh my fuck, we need a message! (“il mio dio, abbiamo bisogno di un messaggio!”, thank you )
flyingtapes: only in italian
ailleann23: because, ok, yeah, they are, but it’s more than that
ailleann23: ::dies::
flyingtapes: they are “mi amore de pharmacia” (MY LOVE OF PHARMACY, ROCK IT LIKE YOU OWN IT)
ailleann23: ahahahaha
flyingtapes: or something, that’s as close as I could get with my vaguely recollected italian
ailleann23: and suddenly they’re going all around Europe, like some kind of fucking rock stars
ailleann23: so they’re in Finland, fucking Finland of all places
ailleann23: and when they’re not trying to keep Frankie from riding a reindeer
ailleann23: they’re in some hole-in-the-wall club, and the DJ throws down the wickedest mix Gerard has ever heard
ailleann23: and he’s all o/
ailleann23: and then he’s all ::flail::
ailleann23: and it turns out it’s this dude named Bob, and Gerard’s all ::grabbyhands::, and boom, Bob’s in the band
flyingtapes: the collective
flyingtapes: gee calls it an artists collective
ailleann23: AHAHAHAHYES
ailleann23: mikey calls them whatever “sweet little dudes” is in italian
flyingtapes: no, that’s the name of his side project with pete wentz
ailleann23: ohh right
flyingtapes: this mad german spoken word artist
ailleann23: ahahaha
ailleann23: (imagines p. weezy doing beat poetry. dies.)
ailleann23: so then they finally go back to italy and they’re HUGE


ailleann23: I should text you with the adventures of Ray Ortiz, the Mikeyway of Spanish techno 🙂
ailleann23: artists’ collective
flyingtapes: I know, right
ailleann23: oh Gerard
ailleann23: please tell me that Bob has a side project
ailleann23: that’s all oblique ABBA-esque love song mashups
flyingtapes: oh, man. bob also produces shit under the name “thronedemon x” that’s all mashups of 80s popsongs and grunge music.
flyingtapes: he’s hailed as the new coming of mashup genius.
ailleann23: YES
flyingtapes: but no one knows that it’s bryar out of gerard’s collective except, like, the dudes and two other people.
flyingtapes: because bob loves to put that shit out there and watch the blogs scramble to find anything to say about him.
ailleann23: hahah
ailleann23: when thronedemon x does a “club show”, a courier delivers an iPod
flyingtapes: dude yes.
flyingtapes: that is so how it plays.
ailleann23: the clubs SELL OUT
ailleann23: and Bob delights in all these people coming to listen to an iPod
flyingtapes: but a perfectly fucking timed ipod
ailleann23: and because thronedemon x’s schedule is all over the place, including crossing over with his other shows, no one ever thinks it’s him
ailleann23: oh yeah, three hours of expertly-faded mashups and long-cut club tracks
flyingtapes: and one night
flyingtapes: the mychem (en italiano!) show up at a thronedemon x show
flyingtapes: and everyone’s like, omg do you KNOW WHO HE IS?
flyingtapes: and they’re all like, nope! but this shit’s hot!
flyingtapes: and then gerard and frank go giggle in the vip
ailleann23: or!
ailleann23: they each come up with a story beforehand, and whoever’s version makes it to the fansites first wins
flyingtapes: haaaa.
ailleann23: they disqualify Ray because his contacts Sidekick it in from the venue
flyingtapes: frank’s is that thronedemon x is a tibetan monk who comes out of hermitude briefly to expel his brilliance and then recedes to his solitude.
ailleann23: mikey says he’s a fourteen-year-old kid from New Jersey
ailleann23: Bob says it’s all a complicated social experiment, which being almost the entire truth, never sees the light of day
ailleann23: (the rumor, that is)
ailleann23: Gerard’s theory is that it’s Pete Wentz
ailleann23: Gerard technically wins, though what they really see on the fansites is that it’s Pete Wentz’s dog.
flyingtapes: pete posts a cryptic blog entry
flyingtapes: with a picture of hemmy wearing headphones
flyingtapes: over a mac
flyingtapes: and it says “genius at work”
flyingtapes: and the internet goes insane
ailleann23: there’s shirts in two weeks
flyingtapes: because he may be a german beat poet
flyingtapes: but he knows how to market that shit!
ailleann23: it skyrockets the popularity of pete and mikey’s side project
ailleann23: Sommer von Wie
flyingtapes: but when they’re together in the press they like to call each other “the sweet leetle dudes,” and it sounds different in both of their accents
ailleann23: and there are NO pictures
flyingtapes: their side project is pete’s words set to mikey’s beats
ailleann23: every news outlet has to use the same AP photo
flyingtapes: but they discover this previously unknown voice
flyingtapes: who is credited only as p.stump
flyingtapes: in all lower case
ailleann23: nobody knows who this kid is
ailleann23: but he starts popping up all over the damn place
ailleann23: backup vocals on no less than five albums in a three month period
ailleann23: there’s a whole fansite dedicated to researching supposed p.stump appearances
ailleann23: They establish that he does not in fact appear on the new Radiohead album
ailleann23: but there was an epic flamewar over whether or not he’s working with Timbaland
flyingtapes: and finally even timbaland’s people step in and release an official statement
flyingtapes: that says something to the affect of “While Timbaland would be pleased to have the opportunity to work with Mr. p.stump, there are currently no professional connections between the two artists.”
flyingtapes: and of course like a month later a track drops from timbaland with p.stump vocals
ailleann23: it wins a grammy
flyingtapes: but p.stump still makes no appearance!
flyingtapes: pete wentz is always name-dropping him though
ailleann23: the award is accepted by Timba and Wentz’s dog
ailleann23: the dog’s wearing a trucker’s cap
flyingtapes: which says “I <3 anonymity" flyingtapes: or something equally cheeky
ailleann23: when thronedemon x launches a free-on-the-website track with a p.stump vocal, the server explodes
ailleann23: actually explodes, taking a quarter of Finland’s internet backbone with it
ailleann23: it’s only down for a few hours, but it starts a MAELSTROM
ailleann23: there’s a Reuters story about it, which gets Digged up to #50 in about a week
ailleann23: Pete releases another t-shirt: “I am p.stump”
ailleann23: the back says “don’t tell finland”
flyingtapes: the internet starts speculating that pete and mikey have broken up sweet leetle dudes to partner with p.stump
flyingtapes: and pete shows up at an event wearing mikey’s glasses and a shirt inside out
flyingtapes: which is made into roughly 3000 livejournal icons
ailleann23: 20 of which were made by Pete himself
ailleann23: mostly of his ass
flyingtapes: freely available on his blog
flyingtapes: finally, seemingly out of nowhere, a blog at shows up
flyingtapes: and it’s mostly just untagged pictures uploaded with little captions like “sky”
flyingtapes: and “park”
ailleann23: it is not hosted in finland
flyingtapes: no!
flyingtapes: because the fans, being stalkers, look up the whois
flyingtapes: and it’s registered to FOB Corp, out of the UK.
ailleann23: in the source code, there’s a commented section that just reads “p.stump = patron saint of liars and fakes”
ailleann23: there’s a really obscure theory that attaches p.stump to Martin Stumph, a folk singer from Chicago, whose first album was released with little fanfare and lots of critical acclaim
ailleann23: everybody thinks they’re a bunch of tinhats, though
flyingtapes: and there are these really intense music blog posts that analyze the martin stumph recordings in comparison to the p.stump recordings
ailleann23: this kid named Ryan Ross from Nevada is the purported expert on the subject… he wrote his music theory honors thesis on it
flyingtapes: he takes it Very Seriously
flyingtapes: and sent pete wentz a number of very precise and polite emails requesting an interview
flyingtapes: to which pete just replied back with “sry the dog doesnt leik to fly”
ailleann23: Ryan does get an interview with Martin Stumph, though
ailleann23: he flies to Chicago, and they have milkshakes at Potbelly’s
ailleann23: Martin is very engaging, and gives Ryan a really great interview about his writing process and being a struggling folk singer
ailleann23: when Ryan asks him point blank about p.stump, he flushes a little, and pulls the brim of his newsboy hat down
ailleann23: Martin says he wishes he was that famous, but that all the speculation has been great for upping his album sales
ailleann23: a lot of scene kids come to his shows, and come up to him afterwards and tell him how much they like folk music now that they’ve listened to his stuff
flyingtapes: and he is really pleased that his music is getting kids into folk and singer-songwriters
flyingtapes: because he feels that the genre is really underappreciated, you know?
ailleann23: by the way, he likes Sommer von Wie, but (just between them) he thinks it’s maybe just a little pretentious
flyingtapes: and ryan dutifully takes the information he needs for his thesis
flyingtapes: but he also posts a transcript of the interview on his website
flyingtapes: and as soon as the pretentious thing hits the internet, at the next thing the sweet leetle dudes go out at, they’re wearing matching shirts. pete’s says “preten” and mikey’s says “tious” and they pretty much squish up against each other the whole night for the cameras
flyingtapes: pete gets up behind the dj booth
flyingtapes: and announces that he’s dropping a new track
flyingtapes: which is a remix of one of martin stump’s songs
flyingtapes: that immediately gets leaked to the internet
flyingtapes: and with this ryan totally scores the honors on his thesis
ailleann23: Ryan actually gets a Rolling Stone interview, because Wentz won’t return their calls
flyingtapes: and that’s actually how it comes out that ryan’s a singer-songwriter himself
flyingtapes: most of the article is about ryan’s project, and a rundown of the whole pete wentz-p.stump-martin stumph thing
flyingtapes: but there’s a paragraph in there where the interviewer’s like, “so this thesis was generated by your passion for music?”
flyingtapes: and ryan says in that monotone casual he has going on that, yes, he’s been devoted to music for a long time and in fact has been a singer-songwriter in nevada and the southwest since he was a freshman in high school
flyingtapes: and suddenly his myspace is fucking everywhere, with the four songs he put up on the player hitting the top five most frequently played
ailleann23: it gets a lot of requests on KESZ out of Phoenix
flyingtapes: and suddenly the little coffehouse gigs ryan had been playing at are filled with people!
ailleann23: martin stumph even comes out
ailleann23: “you didn’t tell me you were a guitarist, man! we should jam sometime.”
flyingtapes: and his thesis supervisor takes him aside for a brief talk about losing perspective
flyingtapes: but ryan just points out that the majority of his thesis has been vetted before this whole thing went down
flyingtapes: so he and martin jam
flyingtapes: and put it up on purevolume
flyingtapes: and then the sweet leetle dudes remix that, too
ailleann23: they remix ryan’s “behind the sea” as well, and it becomes an instant hit in england
flyingtapes: and in fact that is where ryan’s first tour is
flyingtapes: and after a lot of internet blather
flyingtapes: the SLD, Ryan, and Martin Stumph announce that they’re releasing an album together
flyingtapes: of remixed folk/songwriter material
flyingtapes: and they’re calling themselves, um.
ailleann23: Desert Days and Dark Club Nights
ailleann23: Martin, however, continues to deny all rumors that he is p.stump
flyingtapes: although the tinhattery surrounding that has grown exponentially
ailleann23: most everyone seems to blame the similarity in sound to the influence of the SLD
ailleann23: but there are diehards who pretty much equate it to Lois Lane not knowing that Clark Kent is Superman
ailleann23: in the next website update, the top-corner graphic is Pete’s dog in a cape
flyingtapes: haaaaaa and when you click on it there’s a pop-up window that takes you to a Secret Bonus Track for DD&DCN
flyingtapes: and the ID3 tags for the track say “produced by p.stump”
flyingtapes: which of course sends things off even further
flyingtapes: but now ryan won’t talk about it either
flyingtapes: he’s like, I did the research I needed to for my thesis, and now I’m pursuing other interests
flyingtapes: and all the fans are like, HE TOTALLY KNOWS
ailleann23: and he steers the conversation back to the album and how great working with Martin has been
ailleann23: on, a really blurry cameraphone photo shows up
ailleann23: it’s Pete and Mikey in their “pretentious” shirts, and Ryan’s half out of the frame
ailleann23: or at least, the tinhats think it’s Ryan
ailleann23: but it’s so blurry that it’s impossible to say
flyingtapes: and everyone’s trying to use photoshop to get the image to better resolution
ailleann23: and there’s lots of comparison shots of the ends of a scarf
ailleann23: which, of course, is commercially available in europe, so it could be anyone, really
flyingtapes: but then on ryan’s website he casually mentions that he’s been hanging out in europe for awhile now and really loves the markets
flyingtapes: especially the scarves
ailleann23: Pete starts carrying a line of scarves in their webstore
ailleann23: “The brand that Ryan loves, direct from Europe!”
ailleann23: Gerard wears one in a photoshoot two weeks later
flyingtapes: which prompts a whole other flurry
flyingtapes: because when ryan and gerard meet, they have this weird thing of “I’m not sure I like you but there is something there”
flyingtapes: and suddenly they’re out at clubs together all the time
ailleann23: they have three LJ comms in a week
flyingtapes: and ryan writes something opaque on his website like, “I am learning a lot about different styles of music. It’s been a real eye-opening experience.”
flyingtapes: and someone corners gerard after a dj session and he gives this really vague, kind of spacey ramble about how new people impact the music and it changes and grows, like a flower or maybe a plant that gets a lot of sun and water, and it’s a really healthy way to express your creativity and expand your expectations
flyingtapes: and that shows up on youtube
flyingtapes: and gets like 5000 hits in a week
flyingtapes: and pete embeds it on his blog
flyingtapes: and says “sometimes new friends are the best friends”
ailleann23: perez gets this footage of what might be two people in scarves making out in the back alley of some club in Portugal
ailleann23: but it might also be an overflowing dumpster, that’s how grainy the footage is
ailleann23: no one in the US has cared this much about European techno EVER
flyingtapes: it’s big enough that ONTD is following it
flyingtapes: and whenever a paparrazzo tries to corner one of the collective or the SLD or DD&DCN they’re just like, what? why are you taking a picture of me?
ailleann23: except Pete, of course
flyingtapes: pete’s like, O HAI CAMERA
ailleann23: and then he goes and steals the pics and puts them on his own website
ailleann23: “look how nice my hair looked today!”
ailleann23: we should talk about Frank’s side project
flyingtapes: balloons for elephants!
flyingtapes: frank really loves techno
flyingtapes: but he has also always wanted to create a slow-moving orchestral sound
flyingtapes: that sounded like it was being played on a gramaphone
flyingtapes: but with modern structure
flyingtapes: so he started fiddling things together, but it wasn’t really working
flyingtapes: until one day ryan was hanging out with frank and gee in the south of france
flyingtapes: and he has these beats come out of his laptop, just sitting there, bobbing his head
flyingtapes: and UP SHOOTS FRANK
flyingtapes: “what is that?”
flyingtapes: “what?” says ryan in his matching gerard scarf.
flyingtapes: “that! those beats!”
flyingtapes: “oh,” says ryan. “that’s just my best friend, spencer. he’s a percussionist.”
flyingtapes: “I must meet this man,” decrees Frank
ailleann23: Ryan’s been bothering Spencer FOREVER to come visit him
flyingtapes: but spencer’s been busy, you know
flyingtapes: he and his boyfriend brendon were moving in together and everything
ailleann23: they met at school
ailleann23: they have a little jaaaazz band
flyingtapes: brendon really likes to croon
flyingtapes: and spencer uses it as an excercise for his jazz drumming
flyingtapes: besides, spencer is almost done with his MFA
ailleann23: brendon plays the piano too, and they do some jazz fusion stuff
flyingtapes: when brendon is not off being a kindergarten teacher
flyingtapes: because that’s what he does as a 9to5
ailleann23: they do Ben Folds Five covers!!!
flyingtapes: but JAZZY
flyingtapes: sometimes brendon does a little dance
flyingtapes: and spencer’s like, mmm, nice view.
ailleann23: but it’s finally summer, so Ryan convinces them to come out for vaca
ailleann23: the collective rents a GIANT villa on the italian riviera
ailleann23: Spencer is in the door for literally three minutes before Frank drags him into the room in the back that they’ve set up as a studio, and doesn’t let him out for four hours
ailleann23: (later, they determine that most of the problem is that Frank keeps getting excited and speaking in Italian, and has to repeat everything he says in English)
flyingtapes: and when he comes out four hours later his hair is all messed up and he’s kind of flushed, and brendon would suspect something except spencer smith is not that kind of boy; and spencer just runs a hand through his hair and kind of grins and says, “so I guess I’m in another band now?”
flyingtapes: and brendon kind of squeals and hugs him and then starts singing something happy at spencer
flyingtapes: and everyone in the kitchen kind of just stills
flyingtapes: like, what? how is there another fucking incredible singer here?
flyingtapes: and frank immediately calls dibs on brendon for BfE vocals
ailleann23: (he was totally going to front it himself, but FUCK that)
flyingtapes: but pete holds court and says he has this song for four voices, and since everyone’s here and there’s a very convenient studio, maybe they could lay it down
flyingtapes: and all the blogs and websites and myspaces for the dudes simultaneously start talking really excitedly about the new thing they’re working on
ailleann23: interspersed with pictures of the sunset and a long-winded story on Ryan’s myspace about Italian shoes
ailleann23: Brendon hijacks the SLD website in the middle of the night and gets the commenters to help him with his crossword puzzle
flyingtapes: and the next post is from mikey, which is really fucking rare, and it just says, “and now the kitchen has a new rule about coffee after nine p.m.”
ailleann23: there’s a super-limited run of t-shirts, with the proceeds going to Invisible Children (after Brendon goes on a three-hour tirade about it)
ailleann23: it’s a crossword grid, with “remember the children” filled in in pink
ailleann23: they sell out in three hours
flyingtapes: and they make brendon a separate blog on the SLD domain
flyingtapes: and he’s like “please don’t sell these on ebay. if you bought them because they’re ltd, remember that the money went to IC, so please consider putting that forward and donating it to a charity auction if you’re not going to wear it. but you should wear it because it’s completely awesome. love ya petey! -bden”
ailleann23: they auction one on the SLD website, signed by the DD&DCN guys
ailleann23: it goes for $250
flyingtapes: £250!
ailleann23: right!
ailleann23: the one that has p.stump penned in in silver paint pen in the bottom row of boxes goes for 1500
flyingtapes: it is a conspicuously different scrawl from “martin stumph”
ailleann23: they take pictures of all of them in their shirts
ailleann23: and they all write different things in their boxes
flyingtapes: spencer writes “i love bden”
flyingtapes: because they are very out
flyingtapes: pete writes “dudes 4evah”
flyingtapes: but then he’s seen photographed in another one that says “stump <3" ailleann23: Ryan and Martin’s say “desert days” and “dance club nights”, respectively
ailleann23: Frank’s has an elephant holding a balloon, drawn by Gerard
flyingtapes: mikey’s says “don’t google yourself.”
flyingtapes: gerard’s has two stick figures holding hands with a star in between them. this was drawn by frank, but no one outside the group knows it.
ailleann23: ray’s has a shout out to DJ Schechter, who no one has EVER heard of
flyingtapes: but whose wikipedia entry is surprisingly detailed
ailleann23: the internets finally find him, and he’s some small-time DJ in Jersey
ailleann23: and immediately EVERYONE thinks he’s thronedemon x
flyingtapes: and when someone gets up the nerve to ask brian after a set
flyingtapes: he almost falls down from laughing
flyingtapes: the clip shows up on buzznet
ailleann23: he’s ray’s cousin’s boyfriend’s club buddy in Jersey
flyingtapes: brian?
ailleann23: yeah
flyingtapes: bob’s has a chair.
flyingtapes: but it’s like an italicized chair.
flyingtapes: so no one gets it.
flyingtapes: he just shrugs when asked about it.
ailleann23: Ray tells this really long-winded story about how they were out for lunch and Bob’s chair broke and he almost fell off the deck and into the sea
ailleann23: and he slips into Spanish in the middle of it, and it takes a week for anyone to translate it correctly cause he’s laughing so hard
ailleann23: it’s a little anti-climactic
ailleann23: (the story is true, though)
flyingtapes: but that story is totally a cover for how bob is referencing himself as thronedemon x
ailleann23: oh yeah, the story is totally a cover
ailleann23: the clip of Ray even telling the story is two weeks after the fact
flyingtapes: but there is like zero spec on the boards.
flyingtapes: like, in the millionth version of the same discussion about thronedemon x someone’s like, what about bob?
flyingtapes: and everyone lays into the n00b like, whatever!
flyingtapes: it’s common knowledge that it’s not bob
ailleann23: it’s in the FAQ
flyingtapes: “Who is thronedemon x?”
ailleann23: every time someone brings it up there’s a @@ and a link
flyingtapes: “Better question: who is not thronedemon x? Pete, Mikey, Gee, Bob, Ray, Ryan, Frank” &etc
ailleann23: and there’s all this comparison layout of thronedemon x “sightings”
ailleann23: with comparisons of where the collective and the SLD were touring
flyingtapes: the timeline is very comprehensive
flyingtapes: and you can download it as an excel spreadsheet
ailleann23: Gerard has a copy, because he can never keep their venues straight
flyingtapes: he finds it a very useful tool!
ailleann23: it’s more detailed than the tour listings on their own website
flyingtapes: the fans always enter in their touring roster before they even go on tour!
flyingtapes: and no one would admit it but they refer to his folded up wallet copy of the spreadsheet quite a lot
ailleann23: their families sometimes use it so they know when they can call
ailleann23: cause mobile reception in north germany is total shit
flyingtapes: and one time
flyingtapes: gerard left a comment on the post of the updated spreadsheet
flyingtapes: it just said “thanks! this is really helpful :)”
flyingtapes: and there was a flamewar over whether that was really gerard or not
ailleann23: he posted it from some webcafe in Amsterdam, so there was no way to trace the IP
flyingtapes: and no one could ever get it confirmed
ailleann23: because Pete never posted the pictures of Mikey and Brendon going to the sex shop
ailleann23: even though he wanted to SO BAD
flyingtapes: it was very amusing all around!
flyingtapes: spencer and brendon are still based in nevada
flyingtapes: but frank flies out to las vegas often to work on the LP
flyingtapes: and sometimes he wanders around, muttering that they need just one other thing, something to round it out
flyingtapes: I’m trying to decide
flyingtapes: if this is where I want to bring jon in
flyingtapes: or if I want to keep the intraband thing
flyingtapes: and maybe bring in alex?
ailleann23: i was wondering about the instrumentation
ailleann23: ohhh, or should Alex still be in Ivy League?
flyingtapes: oooh. no, that works. the ivy league could exist, and martin’s like, hey these are my friends from the folk circuit!
flyingtapes: and pete’s all, “NEW PEOPLE TO REMIX HAI”
ailleann23: i think Jon Walker should work at the coffee shop where Ryan used to do his open mic nights
flyingtapes: no, okay. if brendon is a k-school teacher I want jon to be more interesting than a barista.
flyingtapes: he’s an independant photographer
flyingtapes: and contacts the collective about taking pictures of them on their tour
flyingtapes: which they could use for a limited edition book and he could use for a show
flyingtapes: and at first they’re all wary, like, this dude is going to be taking pictures of us. weird.
ailleann23: maybe one of them recognizes one of his photos, though
flyingtapes: gerard
flyingtapes: obvs
flyingtapes: “you’re that jon walker?”
ailleann23: haha, i was totally thinking gerard
flyingtapes: “I loved your show in london. it really moved me, amico.”
flyingtapes: and then they all loosen up
ailleann23: he makes jon sign one of his photos, and then sends it to his mom
flyingtapes: jon actually gets on really well with everyone
flyingtapes: and he ends up taking a lot of pictures that never see the light of day
flyingtapes: pictures of pete and mikey curled up on a couch
flyingtapes: of patrick writing the blog at
ailleann23: YES
ailleann23: i was going to say him with a laptop and headphones
flyingtapes: it’s just half in the frame
flyingtapes: but it would be enough to throw it open
flyingtapes: similarly he has a whole set of bob working really intensely on a TDX ipod
flyingtapes: normally bob would throw a camera out of his face, but he actually smiles at jon
flyingtapes: everyone kind of thinks jon is magic
ailleann23: because when he’s working, he just kind of…. fades away
ailleann23: they look at his pictures later, and they can barely remember that he was even there at the time
flyingtapes: if bob lets his fingers accidentally brush against jon’s when they flip through the pictures, well. no one’s there to see.
flyingtapes: there’s this one picture of frankie that ends up being the header on the MAP website; frankie is facing the sun, head titled up and eyes closed. in a grainy black and white it’s just amazing.
flyingtapes: and when the redesign goes up gee posts a little thing that says, “every morning for the rest of our lives” and a track he put together especially for the redesign
flyingtapes: which prompts the internets to wonder if GEE AND RYAN HAVE BROKEN UP WOE
flyingtapes: but the next day pictures show up on ONTD of gee and ryan wearing matching scarves and getting smoothies in paris, and one particularly crafty paparazzi got one of them holding hands looking at designer clothes
ailleann23: (mikey made $500 for that photo)
flyingtapes: haaaaaa. sneaky fucker.
ailleann23: he used the money to buy Gerard a vintage Moog
ailleann23: which Gee promptly flipped his shit over
flyingtapes: he’s just furthering the family business is all
ailleann23: what would make my liiiife
ailleann23: is if there’s a running joke about spencer and brendon getting hitched on the riviera
ailleann23: they find a pastry shop they love? ohh, we’ll get the cake here, etc etc
ailleann23: so they tell jon about the joke, and he’s all “dude, let’s take your wedding photos!”
ailleann23: so they divide everybody up
ailleann23: half for bridesmaids, half for groomsmen
ailleann23: pete and mikey actually wear dresses
ailleann23: they all tromp down to the beach and take ridiculously corny wedding photos
ailleann23: brendon wears a plastic tiara with a veil
ailleann23: pete remixes traditional wedding music and they blast it from the house
ailleann23: ryan and martin do a very official-sounding cover of “it’s raining men”
ailleann23: though they break down in the middle of it
flyingtapes: the best pictures are the ones of them laughing
ailleann23: but there’s one picture, the “engagement” picture, that’s just brendon and spencer smiling like they’re making it illegal
ailleann23: ryan breaks down in tears when he sees it
ailleann23: (he makes jon promise not to tell, ever)
ailleann23: jon gives them a framed copy as an anniversary present
flyingtapes: and bden kind of touches it reverentially
flyingtapes: but spencer’s looking at brendon, not the photo
flyingtapes: with that fucking blinding smile of his
ailleann23: those photos also include the only picture in existence of Martin without a hat on
flyingtapes: not that you really are paying attention to that
flyingtapes: because he has pete plastered to one side
flyingtapes: and mikey on the other
ailleann23: in dresses
flyingtapes: and his face has just opened up in laughter
ailleann23: Pete’s wearing Mikey’s glasses, and Mikey stole Martin’s glasses
ailleann23: and there’s a sudden CAPSLOCK EXPLOSION
ailleann23: about how Martin is a HOTASS
flyingtapes: keymashes take over the internet!
ailleann23: also fueling that line of thinking
ailleann23: Ray, with a rose in his teeth, dipping Martin, who is biting his lip at the camera
ailleann23: the tiny cabal of Ray/Martin shippers throw a fucking party
flyingtapes: there may even be confetti
ailleann23: lots of sparkly text
flyingtapes: some lolcats
ailleann23: a flajillion icons